March Out Of The Darkness
by Dohvakiin
Summary: Ukitake/OC. Chapters are published as I write them. Reviews would make me happy. c: It'll get more M-rated near the middle.
1. Chapter 1

I don't own any characters & blah blah blah. ~ Jushiro Ukitake. ~ 4,042 words. Chapter 1. Enjoy. c:

My day started as any other day would have. My captain was making me run a bunch of pointless errands because he was too lazy to get off his ass and do it himself. I couldn't complain though, being out and about distracted me from a lot of things. Meeting new people was also a plus to always doing annoying tasks. I would mutter small "hi's" to people I knew as I passed them. My life wasn't anything super amazing anymore.

My name is Noa Hamasaki, Im the 3rd seat in the 3rd division of the Gotei 13. My hair is blonde and falls past my collarbones, and its usually pushed out of my face, showing off my bright green eyes. Im only about 5'6", and I barely weigh 120lb, but my size surprisingly hasn't affected my ability to fight. While doing odd jumps around the Soul Society, I usually just wore the typical Soul Reaper type pants, and a white tube top. The guy I'm married to is kind of an asshole, but our marriage was really just for show so he could get his family off his back. I'm not a very open person in the beginning, but eventually I let people in. Despite doing all the errands I'm forced to do, I don't have many close friends. I never let that get to me. I've always been a lonely person, no matter how much I try and make friends.

I pulled away from my thoughts for a moment to remind myself of the task I was supposed to be doing. My captain had wanted me to deliver some parcel to the captain of the eighth division, Shunsui Kyoraku. After looking through a few more buildings in the eighth division barracks, I found the man I was looking for.

"Hey, little soul reaper. What brings you here?" Captain Shunsui asked, lazily looking up at me.

"I was supposed to bring you this parcel, from the 3rd division's captain."

Suddenly his interest shot up. "I'll gladly take that!"

I mentally shook away some confusion before asking: "Well now that I've delivered this, should I take my leave?"

"Sit down and stay awhile, it must be shitty having to run all these meaningless tasks."

Taking a seat across from him, I was at a loss for words. "It really is. I don't mean to be a bother, I'll really leave if you prefer."

"Nonsense." the pink-coated man waved his hand. "You're welcome to stay, especially now that I have this."

The Captain was happily waving around the package I brought him.

"Tell me," he stated, pulling the wrappings apart. "Do you enjoy drinking, little Soul Reaper?"

When he finished pulling off the package's paper and opening the box, I realized I had been sent on an errand to deliver alcohol. I was seriously getting sick of my captain treating me like I was one of the unseated officers. I was almost a lieutenant! Not that it would ever happen, the captain seemed to despise me for an unknown reason.

My eyebrow twitched before I asked Shunsui, "_That _is what I was sent to deliver?"

"Well of course!" he smiled broadly. "You even get a little reward for such a meddlesome task."

"I'm going to kill him." I muttered under my breath, mentally plotting the fucker's murder.

"Just say and relax awhile, Jushiro will be here soon to drink, maybe you'll like his presence." Captain Kyoraku propositioned.

After a minute's debate, I finally sighed outwardly and agreed to stay. Drinking with two respected men from the Soul Society was much better than doing stupid tasks for my captain.

"Um, Captain Kyoraku-" I started but was interrupted.

"Call me Shunsui, I don't care much for formalities. Don't object, just go with it." He said with a flick of his wrist.

"Okay, ahh Shunsui," Awkwardly, I tested his name. " I don't know how long I should stay, my captain's kind of a dick about everything I do."

"Well I'm also a captain, if he says anything, I can get you off the hook, it's something I'm good at." He poured the alcohol into three cups, handed one to me, then took his own and laid back.

It wasn't just my superiors I was worried about. My 'husband' was never to pleased when he found out I was hanging around other men. I pushed that thought to the back of my mind and started drinking from the cup Shunsui had offered me. After half an hour of sitting and talking, I was more relaxed being around him; I was less worried as well. Although the drinks could have played a part in that. From the other side of the room, there was a quick knock before a man with long white hair entered the room, smiling, and plopped down by Shunsui.

"Are you troubling people again?" the long haired captain joked.

"Ahhh yes, little Noa, my newest prisoner." Shunsui introduced me.

"Well since you're here now, Captain Ukitake, I'm sure you'll want me to be leaving." I said, awkwardly rubbing the back of my neck.

"Oh, you don't have to leave on my behalf! I'm sure Shunsui here has been keeping you entertained, please stay as long as you'd like." He gave me a warm smile, then added: "Just Jushiro's fine too, if you're comfortable with that."

"Sure" I replied with a small smile.

These two seemed like complete opposites, but they somehow seemed to be best friends. I didn't say much after Jushiro came, I mainly watched them talk. The way they reacted to each other and responded was like they had been together since birth. After about an hour, I had learned a lot of new things about both of them. I wasn't exactly sure if they had forgotten if I was here or not, but I felt weirdly comfortable. Seeing other people interact like this always made me wish I had someone to be close too. There wasn't much effort between us to talk, but I didn't mind the silence. For once it was a good silence.

After finishing another drink, I reluctantly said, "I should probably get going, I'm sure I'll have other things forced on me when I get back."

"That's terrible." Shunsui murmured, finishing his drink. "Come visit us again anytime, little prisoner."

"I wouldn't want to be a bother or anything." I said with a small smile. "But I've appreciated your company today, it's given me a little time to finally relax."

"It's no bother, come by whenever." The pink-coated captain said, pouring himself another drink.

"My door will also be open to you," Jushiro offered me a genuine smile. "Even though we didn't talk much, you seem like a lovely person."

"Thank you." I replied quietly, not sure what to say.

Steadying myself as I got up, I looked forward to seeing one of them again. All the alcohol I drank had given me a slight buzz, so I was quite happy when I finally got back to the third quarter barracks. Much like I had predicted, more work was just piled on me. I had to finish paperwork the lieutenant didn't bother finishing, as well as another delivery and training for the unseated Soul Reapers. I just wanted to go to sleep and die.

The paperwork had taken longer than anything, and the delivery was a quick brief one, as usual. Before going out to training, I ate a little snack in my favorite shop. The training was another boring thing I was forced to endure. Compared to my full strength, most of the new recruits were really weak. It was my job to teach them how to block against fast attacks, then retaliate even faster. I figured I had been purposely given this task because it would take a while, and the captain wouldn't have to deal with me.

When my day was finally over, I was tired and a little sore since I hadn't worked out in quite a while. Even though my day was over, I wasn't happy to go home. I wasn't exactly happy anywhere lately. When I got home, I walked in the front door to see my supposed husband flirting with another woman. No surprise there. He didn't give me a second glance.

The man I was married too was the current captain of the 11th division, Itsuki Satoh. The only reason we married was because of old family traditions, though I had long abandoned both them and my adoptive family. No matter what I said, divorce seemed out of the question. Instead, he would constantly flirt and sleep with other women, openly, especially his division's new recruits. It didn't bother me anymore, if he was messing around with other women, he wasn't paying attention to me. Our relationship had never been a good one. Itsuki would get easily over possessive when I was with other guys and would occasionally hit me. I did everything I could to avoid him. Ignoring him and his new quick fuck, I made my way to the office in our small house, where I slept on a small couch. I fell asleep quickly and didn't wake up until late in the morning.

Almost a month had passed, and my life seemed to be getting worse and worse. Itsuki got more aggressive and was constantly messing around with a different girl every night, and my captain was pressing down harder on me with work. The only good part was I had finally finished training the unseated officers in my division. I had moved on and started sparring with some high ranking members of the 11th division. At first they had been hesitant since they knew about me and their superior, but they soon got over it when they realized I was really into fighting.

Currently, I was rushing around the Seireitei with more stupid errands and deliveries. There was never time for me to do anything else but work and train, and I was beginning to grow irritated. Although training got rid of some of my stress, it was just piled back on twofold, and I barely got anytime to relax. While sighing and pushing my hair back, I concentrated on my next delivery, a letter to Shunsui Kyoraku. Letting out a small laugh, I figured this might end up being my little bit of relaxing time. In no time at all, I found myself outside the room we had been in a month before. Quickly knocking on the door, I entered to find the room empty, except for the other man from before, Jushiro.

"Hello." He smiled at me.

"Hi," I started, giving him a slight smile. "I got stuck delivering again, but I guess Shunsui's not here. Could I leave this letter with you?"

"Sure, Ill make sure he gets it."

"I should probably go, I've got a lot of shit being piled on me lately." I sighed.

"I can tell, you seem more sad than the last time we met."

"Ehh." I shrugged. I really was, and I didn't know it was that obvious.

"If you'd like we could wait for Shunsui to come back. I'll make sure your duties are excused." The white haired man suggested.

Considering his offer for a minute, I finally let out a sigh and said, "I'm sure I'd just get an earful if I don't come back."

"You forget, Miss Hamasaki, I am a captain. I would be able to excuse you very easily."

"Well." Thinking again, I finally agreed. "Sure, it'd be nice to have some time to relax."

"You haven't had any relaxing time lately?"

Shaking my head, I told him about what had been happening lately. "I've been getting all the grunt work for my division, I've had to personally train many of the new unseated officers, along with sparring with members from the 11th division, but that's mainly for fun. I can't even sleep good at night anymore. I'm sorry, I'm just rambling now. I didn't mean to bother you with my problems." I just wanted to curl up and die right now.

"It's no trouble at all, we do need something to talk about since we're here alone." Jushiro gave me another big smile. "I know doing all the underling type work is no fun, I've gone through that stage. Eventually when you move on to higher titles, you could end up missing it all, sometimes even I do."

"Really? I don't think I would ever miss this. All this running around is just bothering me." I confessed. "I wouldn't mind fighting all the time, I feel less stressed that way. But it was just to troublesome training all the new officers to fight."

"Maybe you're more suited for the frontlines?" He suggested.

"I don't know, I love fighting to my full extent, but that seems like it'd become tiresome after some time too. I'd really like a balance of bother with some time for me to actually relax." When I looked up at Jushiro, he was looking right back at me, and he actually seemed genuinely interested in what I was saying.

"Well perhaps one day you could surpass your current captain. My normal day usually consists of some random work, occasionally some sparring, but mainly relaxing. I'm the last person who's voluntarily going into battle. And I guess some days I just have to relax because of my disease."

"Disease? I didn't know you had one." I said truthfully.

"Well I suppose not many people do, I don't like to bother other people with my problems." He replied whimsically.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to say anything wrong." I answered apologetically.

Jushiro waved his arms at me. "You didn't! I just occasionally cough up blood and sometimes I'll have some days where I feel a little weak, but it's nothing I can't handle."

I felt a pang of sadness. Jushiro was a really nice guy, he didn't deserve that. Hell if anyone did, that asshole Itsuki did. Right when I was going to answer him, a slightly tall lady with black hair came into the room.

"Nanao?" Jushiro asked.

The lady who had entered looked rather pissed. "Your friend's piss drunk and passed out at an inn in the Rukongai."

The captain sitting across from me sighed. "Well just leave him be, eventually he'll wake up and come back like he usually does."

"Alright, Captain Ukitake." Nanao bowed and left the room promptly.

Jushiro sighed and looked back at me. "Well, since your delivery recipient isn't coming, how about we get some dinner? I'm enjoying having someone to talk too."

"Sure." I agreed.

When I had met him the last time, Jushiro seemed like a distant person, but now I realized he was just quiet. Of course he had spoken to Shunsui and been very open with him, but I knew that was because they were very close friends. The two of us had been talking for over an hour when Nanao had come in, and I could see why. Captain Ukitake was a very easy person to talk to, he seemed to enjoy a lot of things. For dinner we decided to pick a small little shop near the edge of the Seireitei, that was apparently one of his favorites. I didn't have much money with me, so I was hoping that whatever was here was pretty cheap.

"I love coming here, the food is very nice, and so are the people. It's a nice quiet shop." Jushiro told me.

"It seems like it." I agreed, looking over the small menu of foods.

Finally I settled on some delicious sounding soup and some whiskey, while my dinner date decided to order half the menu, insisting I try all of it. I couldn't help but to genuinely smile, for the first time in a long time. I had finally relaxed for the first time in months, and I was about to have a good dinner that I could barely afford. But I was happy, because now I had a friend to go to. In no time at all, our food had arrived and I was being persuaded into eating a bunch of new things, some I adored, while others I wasn't so fond of. The soup I ordered was probably the best soup I'd ever had, and after we had eaten all the food, Jushiro suggested we go get dessert. I had offered him my meager amount of money, but he refused to take it, telling me I should save it for something else.

We left the restaurant and headed towards on of my favorite places to get snacks, still talking. I had told Jushiro a lot of things, and he had also confided a few things with me. There had even been a few more times when I actually smiled. The shop I took him to was a little known one, that specialized in selling goods from the human world. I adored coming here and getting chocolate chip cookies. This time, I completely bypassed the cookies and went for some white fluffy-looking cake with pale white frosting. Jushiro ended up getting a bunch of candy, muttering to himself about the third seat of a different division.

"This is my favorite place to go, I really love the sweets they have." I confessed, sitting down at the small table in the corner.

"My favorite place to go is quite different." Jushiro said whimsically, looking around the shop. "Maybe one day I could show you."

"That'd be festive." I mumbled around a mouthful of delicious cake.

"Festive, huh?" The captain in front of me laughed.

"Yup, I guess that might not be the right word." I replied with a small laugh.

"It's quite alright, you just have a different way of speaking."

Running my hand through my hair, I answered: "I guess so."

We stayed in the small snack shop for another hour, just talking and getting to know each other better, before Jushiro offered to walk me back home.

"Oh, no. You don't have to do that! It's all the way across the Seireitei."

"Well it is rather dark outside. I'd feel terrible if anything happened to you." The white haired captain protested.

"I'll be fine, Jushiro."

The 13th division captain never got to answer, a dark tall figure walked up behind me and grabbed my wrist.

"I'll be the one walking her home." Upon the answer, I could tell who this was. Itsuki.

The grip on my wrist became deathly tight when Jushiro asked, "And who might you be?"

"Her husband." Was all Itsuki said before yanking on my arm, unseen to Jushiro in the dark.

I looked back at the man I had spent my night with, before being fully dragged away by my so-called husband.

When we were a good distance away, around many corners, Itsuki finally spoke. "What the fuck do you think that was?"

"Am I not allowed to have friends?" I asked, crossing my arms across my chest.

"Looked like you guys were more than just friends."

"We've talked for about three hours, we're just friends. It shouldn't even make a difference to you. Why aren't you in bed with another one of your division's new recruits?"

When the grip on my wrist increased, I knew I had crossed the line with him. "Because soon enough my wife is gonna end up fucking some captain and ruining my reputation."

"What reputation?" I shot back. "Not like it could be a good one, especially since you bring home a new slut every night."

"At least they're quiet about it. I don't take them out to dinner and get all buddy-buddy with them."

"We're 'married'. You should at least have some consideration for me." Scoffing, I yanked my wrist back.

"Married?" I could almost see Itsuki rolling his eyes. "I'm married to you to get my parents off my back. Do you honestly think I would _ever _marry someone like you?"

Clenching my fists until my knuckles turned white, I replied: "You make it seem like I _want _to be married to a prick like you. I've been sleeping on a couch for the last few years because you've been fucking your underlings. I don't understand why you won't just fucking divorce me and marry one of your one-night stands."

"I'd divorce you if I could. Hell, I'd fucking kill you if I wasn't a captain. I don't want any people talking shit about me because of you. I already have to hear shit about you training with people in my division. I'm sure they're just friends too. Bet you definitely aren't fucking them."

I could take him opening his mouth anymore. My blood raced through my veins as I held myself back from beating him to death right there. It almost took everything I had. Turning on my heels, I headed in the direction of the Rukongai before shouting behind me: "Fuck off. Go back to your whores!"

Walking at a fast pace, I held myself from lashing out and hitting every Soul Reaper that walked past me. That bastard had no right to talk to me like that when he was the one at fault. My adoptive family had pressured me into the marriage, promising me a life full of happiness and a loving family. _Ha. _If only they could see how Itsuki really was. I had never been with anyone other than him, aside from a few drunk make out sessions at bars. Anyone walking past me could clearly tell I was beyond pissed, no one tried to stop and talk to me. Not too later, I found a cheap inn to stay at in the second district of the Rukongai.

Metal on metal could be heard as I clashed swords with the forth seat of the 11th division. I pressed down harder on my sword and broke his fighting stance. As he stumbled momentarily, I dropped my Zanpakuto, then thrust forward and collided my forearm with his chest, causing him to fall to the ground and loose our sparring match. I grinned when I realized I had won once again. My fighting skills were definitely getting sharper, I had never been able to defeat him before.

Picking up my cast aside Zanpakuto, I lazily saluted my oppenent and plopped down on the ground. A man I had become friends with, Hayato, handed my a small cup of sake that I poured down my throat in a matter of seconds.

"That was amazing! You're really strong." I smiled at him when he complimented me. For some reason the kid followed me around like a lost puppy.

"Thanks, I've been training really hard lately, I want to get strong enough to become a captain one day." I looked off into the distance at two more people sparring off, then added: "Or at least a lieutenant."

"You're definitely strong enough too. I'll bet you could become a captain in an instant!"

I laughed at his enthusiasm while hauling myself back up. "Well hopefully that'll happen one day. I've got to go report to my asshole captain, so I'll see you later Hayato."

"Bye!" I heard him yelling at me as I walked away.

Shaking my head, I could help but smile a little as I walked away from him. It was nice to have made a friend. The small trek across the Soul Society took a little bit, but eventually I ended up outside my captain's quarters. Without even bothering to knock, I pulled the door open and barged in. Instantly, I regretted it. My captain's eyes turned to look at me, so did the eyes of three different people. Two of which seemed really upset, and one was shaking. It took me a moment but I soon realized they belonged to my division, even though they didn't rank very high.

"Captain Otoribashi?" I asked, quite confused. "What's going on?"

"Sit down, third seat Hamasaki. We unfortunately have some important things we need to discuss."

I took a seat across from him and let my gaze wander to the other Soul Reapers in the room. This didn't seem too good.


	2. Chapter 2

"What's been happening?" I asked, a little bit more concerned.

My captain ran his hands through his hair and sighed. "Recently, I sent a small party of Soul Reapers to go look into a hollow problem in the human world. Eighth seat Bokuyo, fifth seat Dai, an unseated officer Chiyo, and lieutenant Saeko."

"I wasn't aware of this, but what does any of this have to do with me?"

"Dai, would you mind giving Miss Hamasaki a brief report of what happened while you were on the field?"

The shaking Soul Reaper nodded and stood up quickly. "We were sent to the World of the Living to look into a hollow problem. The first few days went by with no problems, but on the fourth day we were there, we encountered some of the hollows that have been killing off some of our men. The four of us went in, expecting an easy battle. Since the hollows were attacking pluses, we assumed a sneak attack would get rid of them easily. Taking out two of them was fairly easy, it was the last one that we couldn't beat."

I looked from Dai back to the captain and bit down on my lip as he continued, his voice cracking. "Lieutenant Saeko… lieutenant Saeko sacrificed herself in order for us to get away. If she hadn't… Well I don't think any of us would've come back."

Once Dai finished his report, my eyebrow twitched in realization. "You're sending me, aren't you Captain?"

"You took the words right out of my mouth."

"I get nothing out of this, do I?" Sighing in frustration, I got back on my feet.

"I was considering making you my lieutenant if you return alive."

"You're going to make someone else the lieutenant the second I leave, I already know you."

"Well, think whatever you want, I may or may not make you lieutenant. Anyways, I would like you to leave as soon as you can. Take some lower ranking officers or not, it makes no difference to me. Just make sure you bring everyone back alive."

Without acknowledging him, I turned on my heels and left. At least I was finally going to get to put newly sharpened fighting skills to the test. There wasn't anybody I wanted to take, so I just slung my Zanpakuto over my shoulder and made my way back across the Seireitei and got ready to go. As I crossed by a small river, Jushiro's pure white hair caught my attention and made me turn around.

"Hey." I greeted, plopping myself down next to him.

"Well hello, I haven't seen you in a while." He replied with a small smile.

Grimacing, I thought back to the last time I had seen him. "Sorry about that. Itsuki is just an asshole."

"I had no idea you were married." The white haired captain confessed.

"I wouldn't even call it a marriage."

"Marriage is usually between two people that love each other. Surely you must have loved him at some point?"

Shrugging, I laid down next to him and sighed. "I don't know. It's a really long story. Maybe I'll tell you when I get back."

"You're going somewhere?"

With a small laugh, I said: "I might be moving up in the ranks. Although I know my captain hates it, there's no one else he could give the job of lieutenant to now."

Jushiro's expression got serious in a second. "What's happened?"

"Saeko- my division's lieutenant- was killed by a hollow the other day. The rest of her squad got back because she sacrificed herself for them. Now it's my turn to go to the World of the Living to solve the problem."

The look on the other man's face gave away what he was about to say, so I stopped him. "Don't worry. I'm like 80% sure I'll come back alive."

"Noa!" He protested as I got up.

With a laugh and half genuine smile, I looked down at him and hopefully reassured him when I said: "I'll come back. I promise. No lowlife hollow could kill me. I've been getting stronger every day, nothing could stop me now!"

My reassurance had worked, because Jushiro gave me a true smile and waved me off. I gave him a mock salute as I went on to start my mission. The trip between the Soul Society and the World of the Living was rather short, and of course, uneventful. There weren't any hollows here that I could sense, so I decided to walk around and take a look around the town. People were walking down the sidewalks talking with their friends and enjoying their lives. I couldn't help but feel a small pang of sadness. Of course none of these people would see me watching, nor could they ever see me, but I couldn't help wanted to have friends that would be seen with me in public like that. Groups of different people passed right by me, faces I'd never see again, happy and laughing. I saw it around the Seireitei too, everyone else having the life I couldn't have. Pushing all my thoughts to the back of my mind, I continued to patrol around the area.

Night fell and I still hadn't found the hollow causing so much trouble. A cool breeze blew through my hair and sent it cascading around me. I was currently sitting on the edge of a two-story building, watching over Karakura town, looking for the slightest disturbance. Behind me, the sky was silently torn open and the hollow I was targeting slid out with a bloodcurdling scream. Upon hearing this, I was on my feet in an instant; my hand instinctively falling to my sheathed sword. The hollow was a good distance away from me, but it wasn't attacking. It was letting out scream after scream and thrashing around, as if it was in pain. My sword was pulled out as I cautiously approached the lost soul.

My footsteps weren't quiet enough, because the hollow momentarily stopped its thrashing and was gone in an instant. When sharp claws raked down my left arm and the soft flesh on my belly, my eyes went wide and I nearly fell. I had misjudged the hollow's power by a lot, something I usually don't do. My hand gripped my sword tighter as I swung behind me, missing my opponent. It reappeared in front of me, sharp fingers going directly towards my neck. I had barely enough time to react and sidestep away from it, and slam my elbow into its throat. Another scream was let loose, and I took my opportunity to slash at the hollow. My blade made contact with its side and I forced myself to keep driving it upwards, tearing muscles and anything else in it's way. The hollow slashed at my hips and sides up to my ribs, still screaming it's haunting song.

The blood was pouring out of my body, and I could feel it taking its toll on me, making my arm waiver ever-so-slightly. I couldn't stop the small whimper of pain that left my mouth, but I pressed on, cutting even deeper through the dead soul, my Zanpakuto nearly halfway through its body. With one rash decision, I pressed forward with all my weight, giving the hollow an easier chance to wound me, but giving me the strength I needed to slice through him.

The screaming stopped and I was surrounded by silence. The hollow's soul was cleansed and heading off to the Soul Society by now, and I was left alone, listening to my blood drip on the rooftop. I sighed and looked up at the sky, knowing I would need to get back to the Soul Society before I bled out all over the building. The trip back to the Seireitei was uncomfortable and difficult. My heart was beating hard in my chest, almost painfully, as my body worked to keep itself alive, and my bones ached with every step I took. After what seemed like an eternity, I arrived back home in the same place I had left. Even though I was in immense pain, I tried to straighten up and hide it so I could avoid questions. I just wanted to report into my captain and get to the fourth division to get myself fixed up.

As I made my way down countless paths, I kept close to the walls, for both support and to keep myself hidden. A group of laughing, drunk Soul Reapers walked past me. None of them noticed I was bleeding out right beside them. Along the way, I passed my husband and one of his whores, who didn't bother giving me a second glance. Groaning, I slid down against the wall. The pain was too much for me to take anymore, I was ready to just curl up and die.

I lost track of time curled up in pain with my knees to my chest, but a bit later I found myself looking at a familiar face, Captain of the Thirteenth Division, Jushiro Ukitake.

"Miss Hamasaki?" He asked, concerned upon seeing the blood that had dried on my arm.

"Oh, ahh.. I-I'm okay. You don't have to worry about me." I gave him a weak smile.

"You're hurt." He stated bluntly.

I shook my head. "It's nothing. I'll walk it off, I don't want to disturb your night."

"I think you're in need of help."

"Nahh, I'll walk it off. It's just a scratch." Shit, I was a terrible liar.

"I'll help you get it taken care of. It wouldn't be a bother. I hate to see anyone in pain." Jushiro offered me his hand, and I let myself be pulled up, feeling my wounds rip back open and begin to bleed.

The look of shock on Jushiro's face was immediate when he saw my bloodstained front that had been hidden from you. "See? Just a scratch." I mumbled before darkness took over me.

Sunlight poured in from the window, warming body and waking my body up. Slowly I opened my eyes and looked around. It took me a moment, but I quickly realized I was in the fourth division's recovery room. Still a bit groggy, I pulled my body upright and winced when my  
skin tightened around my wounds. The groan of pain I uttered couldn't be stopped when I moved my stiff muscles. Bandages were wrapped tightly around my arm and a majority of my torso, thankfully covering all the damage.

Once both my feet were on the ground, pain was rushing through every section of my body, making it more than difficult to pull on a pair of loose pants. The white bandages covered enough of my body that I figured I'd make it to my house without much question. When I slid the door open, I immediately caught the eyes of Retsu Unohana, the forth division's captain, and Jushiro.

"It was just a scratch." I mumbled with a small smile when they approached.

"That certainly wasn't a scratch. I think you need a lot more time to rest." Unohana suggested as she looked over my current appearance.

Rubbing the back of my neck and stretching a little, I replied; "Nah. I'm not the type of person that can lie around in a bed like that. Give me a few days of sitting at a desk and I'll be back to myself in no time."

"Are you certain you won't stay for at least a few more days?" The female captain asked a tad concerned.

I shook my head. "I'm not too fond of medical things. I'll takes my chances and continue my usual duties." Seeing Jushiro's stay-here look, I added. "But if anything shows up, I'll definitely come back."

She nodded and left me with Jushiro. "I really wish you would stay here and let yourself get better."

"Trust me, I've been through much worse than this. I'll be okay. Besides, I might just become a lieutenant today."

Upon seeing my growing smile, Jushiro's shoulders untensed and he waved me on my way. "We can go out and celebrate tonight if that happens."

"Definitely!" I called out behind me as I turned around and started my walk to the third division barracks.

As I walked, I could feel the pain ebbing away and my muscles relaxing bit by bit. I stopped by the house and slipped into a white tube top before meeting up with my captain.

Once I arrived, I took a seat opposite of him. "You look like hell."

"Thanks, I hadn't noticed."

For the first time since I'd met him, I actually heard my captain laugh. "As much as I don't want too, I will be promoting you to be my lieutenant."

The question I'd been wondering since I began to serve under him finally came out. "Why do you hate me so much?"

His eyes widened a fraction. "What?"

"You treat me like I'm just another unseated officer, making me do nothing but run errands and finish the paperwork you don't want to be bothered with. I just want to know why. Especially if I'll be serving directly under you."

"You really want to know?" My captain sighed.

"No shit." I mumbled.

"It's because I know you can surpass me."

My eyes shot up to meet his, in shock. "Huh? How could I-"

"Whether you know it or not, you are an immensely powerful woman. I can tell one day you will rise up to the power of captain, perhaps even higher."

"There's no way." My mouth was suddenly dry. "I'm really not all that strong, and I certainly wouldn't be fit to lead a whole squad. I couldn't ever surpass you, Captain."

A small smile played on his lips. "One day, something will happen, and you'll unleash your full strength. I know you've been training with those brutes in the 11th division. I also know you go off and train by yourself, for hours at a time." When he say my eyes realize I had been caught, he chuckled. "I know, Miss Hamasaki. I always have. There's something else too, I'm aware you can release a bankai, something that takes many, _many _years of training."

I was shocked. "What? How, you can't know all that about me.."

"You do have the capabilities of reaching great power. When you find something you truly love, you'll fight for it and you'll return victorious. I can see it in your eyes."

"Captain.." I trailed off, looking for the words I wanted to say. "Thank you. I wasn't aware anyone even thought of me in that way. It truly means a lot to me, especially since I thought you hated me until about ten minutes ago."

After hearing my small laugh, he said; "Well, now that we've gotten this misunderstanding out of the way, take a few days off. Like I said before, you look like hell, lieutenant."

"I'll take you up on that offer, Captain." I laughed, while pushing my injured body up, ignoring the muscles that protested. "I think I'll go get drunk."

"As long as you don't come back to work hung over." He replied, waving me off.

Walking out of the 3rd division's building, I went off to find Jushiro, hoping he was serious about that offer about getting food. I was beyond starved, and my stomach was definitely reminding me.

I walked through the 13th division's workplace and didn't see Jushiro anywhere, so I decided to head over to the 11th division. The courtyard was full of people sparring and arguing, as usual. Hayato noticed me from across the commotion and waved me over.

"Hey!" His greeting was cheerful. "How are you doing? I heard you were hurt on some mission?"

Laying down beside him in the shade, I told him everything that had happened. "So now I've officially moved up to being a lieutenant."

"That's amazing, I wish I was able to become a lieutenant. No one here believes I'm even powerful enough to be the fifth seat."

"I'm sure you'll come to power someday."

Hayato's eyes got bright. "You really think so?"

With a small laugh, I said. "I really do."

"That gives me some motivation!" He smiled broadly.

"I'm hoping one day I'll be able to become captain." I admitted.

"I bet you can, Noa. You're really, really strong."

I shook my head. "All I can do is dream. It's not like I'll ever have a chance to become a captain. Anyways, I need to find Jushiro, we're supposed to go celebrate my change in the ranks."

"Captain Ukitake?" Hayato was clearly puzzled. "Shouldn't you be celebrating with Captain Satoh?"

Just the thought of Itsuki made me upset. "No, it's complicated, but definitely not."

My blonde haired friend shrugged. "Well I hope you have fun tonight. And I really hope we'll be able to start training together again soon."

I couldn't help but to smile a bit. "How about tomorrow? I've been given time off due to my injuries, but I need to keep up with my training."

"I don't want to do anything that'll slow down your healing." Hayato protested.

"Come on," I tempted him. "Nothing too difficult, just some simple sparring to help me stay in shape."

With a sigh, he finally gave in. "I don't like the idea, but if it's what you really want, I can't say no."

"Thank you, Hayato!" I slowly pulled my body up. "But I've got to get going, I'm dying to just get some rest."

"See you later, Noa." He called out as I left, continuing my search for Jushiro.

The Seireitei was like a maze to me, even though I've been here quite a while. Each path looked similar to the one before it, and it was a miracle I could remember my way through any of them. Turning through quite a few paths that would eventually lead to the thirteenth division, I came upon the back of the barracks and found Jushiro. He was sitting on the porch behind his office staring at a small koi pond, absentmindedly sipping tea.

I came up behind him and sat down. "I got promoted."

The white haired captain turned to me and smiled. "That's wonderful, Noa."

"So are we still on for that celebration? I'm starving."

"Well certainly, let me just clean up here. I'll only be a moment." Jushiro excused himself and went inside for a few minutes.

By the time he emerged, I was already up on my feet. I didn't want him to see me in this embarrassing state.

"How are your wounds?"

"I've had much worse." I admitted. "Like I said before, give me a few days and I'll be good as new. My captain gave me a few days off to heal, but I have no idea what I'll be doing. Probably training with my friend from the 11th division."

"But shouldn't you actually be resting?"

Jushiro seemed genuinely worried, but I laughed him off. "It's not like I really have anywhere to stay and rest. Besides, I'm easily bored, I don't know what I'd do without training and work."

The conversation trailed off for a bit, but we continued talking about little random topics to keep it from being silent. It was nice. We ended up deciding on a small restaurant that served a little bit of everything.

"What do you want?" Jushiro asked me, glancing over the foods that were here.

"Wellll…" I trailed off, studying it intensely. "I think I want some soup, and a sandwich. Some alcohol too, of course."

"Whatever you want, this is a night for celebrating."

"Jushiro?" I looked up at him.

"Yes?"

"Thank you." I mumbled quietly. "For believing in me, I mean."

"Well of course I would. I know you'll make a wonderful lieutenant."

He smiled and I couldn't help but to give him a true smile back, as our food and drinks arrived. I dug in instantly, still starving from not eating all day. Across from me, the long haired man was watching me with a glint of humor in his eyes, and eating his own food much slower.

"I was starving." I announced when I finished.

"That's obvious." The white haired man laughed. "I don't believe I've ever seen a woman eat that much food so fast."

I took that as a compliment. "Well, I do pride myself on how much I can eat."

"Well that's quite unique, Miss Hamasaki."

When I was about to respond, I heard a loud group of men come in through the door and sit not far from us, clearly drunk. Startling me, a strong hand slammed down on the table. I looked up to meet the eyes of my so-called husband, Itsuki Satoh. Jushiro looked me in the eyes, and I just shrugged.

"Well, guess you're not too fucked up, now are you?" His words were slurred.

"Guess not."

My smirk must have angered him, because he nearly snapped. "Since you ain't beat to shit, guess you won't mind not coming back for a while. Need some space for myself."

"What a shock!" I pretended to be surprised at his actions, but just ended up laughing. It wasn't the first time he had done this.

"Whatever." Itsuki turned and left to be with his friends, not forgetting to add, "Bitch!" as he left.

"I'm sorry." Jushiro said quietly, once Itsuki was out of earshot.

"It's not a big deal, it happens quite often."

"Where will you go?" He seemed concerned.

"I don't know, I find different places to sleep every time. Sometimes inns, sometimes I'll go back to my old district, occasionally I'll just crash in the grass. It doesn't bother me anymore, I've gotten used to it."

Jushiro's warm eyes looked at me. "You can stay with me, if you need too."

"I wouldn't want to trouble you. It'll be okay if I just stay at an inn." I protested.

"You wouldn't be troubling me. It'd be perfectly fine if you wanted to stay and rest a few days. Unless something happens and my disease acts up, I'll mainly be in my office running my division. If you like to read, I've got a pretty extensive library that could keep you entertained while you're healing."

Although I didn't want to admit it, that sounded pretty good. "But I'd just be a burden. If I did stay with you, I'd insist you at least take all the money I've got. It'd be the least I could do."

"Well," Jushiro stopped and thought for a moment. "I wouldn't feel right taking your money. How about instead, you tell me about your past? Then perhaps I would understand you better."

It was my turn to hesitate, I hadn't had the best past, and I despised talking about it. Eventually, I gave in. "I suppose.."

The man across from me smiled. "We can go whenever you're ready."

I nodded and began to mentally prepare myself, talking about my past could end up making me more upset.


	3. Chapter 3

Once our bill had been paid, Jushiro and I slipped around my asshole husband and he led me back to his house. It wasn't anything huge or glamorous, but it beat my own home. Jushiro gave me a brief tour, showing me an extra bedroom where I could sleep until I was healed, the kitchen, and his library, which I knew I would be spending a lot of time in. My side was in pretty bad pain, the wounds were still pretty deep and threatened to reopen at any time.

"Sit down, Miss Hamasaki. I'll make us some tea." The white haired man gave me a smile before heading into the kitchen.

Although I would never admit it, I was relieved to sit down and take some pressure off my body. Taking a few days off would really be good for me, but I still had to go and spar with Hayato. He'd probably understand if I didn't show though. Looking around the living room, I could see little things Jushiro liked, that I never knew before. I didn't have to wait long for the tea, it seemed like within seconds, he was back and serving me a cup.

"Thank you." I took a sip from the hot tea and felt it traveling down to my belly. "Where should I start?"

Jushiro raised his eyebrows at my question. "Wherever you'd like, I suppose. You don't need to tell me anything you don't want too."

I smiled and begun telling my story from the beginning.

"Thief!"

The second the merchant yelled, I knew I had been caught, and I took off, like all of hell was chasing me. There wasn't even much I had stolen, just a couple apples and some bread, but apparently that was enough. I also knew if I didn't get out of there fast enough, the Soul Reaper who watched over our district would catch me. That wouldn't end up pretty.

My bare feet scraped against rocks as I rushed in between people and dove into an abandoned decaying building. I took the stairs up, two at a time, until I was at the third floor. I'd taken this route enough times to know there was a window that would allow me to cross into another building that I could slip out the back. From the building, I only had to take a short trek down to a small shack by the small river.

It wasn't much, but the run-down shack was a home to me. Well, not just me. Two young boys lived with me, I had found them begging for food and living on the street, much like myself. When I had died, I was only 19, I didn't know much about kids, or people in general. But I knew well enough to not leave them on the streets to wither away. Whatever I could come across, I would give the majority of to them. Living in the 72nd district of the west Rukongai was beyond rough, there wasn't much worse it could get.

During the times I was gone scrounging for food or things to keep us warm, Zoki would watch over Hachiuma. Zoki was only about 10 in human years, but living through such rough conditions had toughened him up, and he could protect Hachiuma when he really needed too. The two weren't actually brothers, it was really rare for people to find their actual family members after they died, especially so far back in the districts. We all formed our own little families and would kill to protect them.

Zoki, no matter how tough, still had chubby cheeks that made him look innocent no matter what. Long, scraggly locks of dirty blonde hair fell past his shoulders, bringing out his dark green eyes. Hachiuma must have been around 7 when he died, but no matter how bad our living conditions were, he was happy. Every time I would bring him home food or some new clothes, he would always give me the brightest smile and a huge hug. I never had the heart to tell him I was no saint and all the things we had were stolen. Zoki, on the other hand, knew full well where everything came from, but he still appreciated it.

Our house didn't have much in it, just a beat up old futon, an old shirt that someone had tossed aside for a blanket, and a few little trinkets I had stolen on my trips to the upper districts. Stealing always made me upset, but I couldn't afford anything, we didn't even have shoes.

With a sigh, I pulled my hair back into a ponytail and pushed the door open and held up the small satchel of stolen goods. The two children's faces brightened when they realized it was food, and I was suddenly attacked by hugs.

"Thank you, Noa." Hachiuma smiled up at me. "I was really, really hungry."

"Well that's what I'm here for kid." I ruffled his hair and sat down on the floor. "We'll eat good for a few days."

I dropped two apples on the floor and used my pocket knife to cut them into thirds, two for each of us, then pulled apart the bread into roughly three same size pieces. Although I made sure they would have the biggest pieces.

"I'll be out for the day again tomorrow." I informed them.

"Where ya going this time?" Zoki asked, barely pulling away from his food.

"Well, if everything works right, I might be able to get us a blanket, food, and maybe a couple changes of clothes if I'm lucky."

Hachiuma's face lit up with a smile. "No way!"

"I'll see what happens." I smiled back. "Now come on, let's crash for the night."

After storing our food for the next day, I pulled out the torn up futon and laid it down on the floor. When the kids were cuddled together for warmth, I lightly tucked the ratty shirt around them, warming them up a little more. I then curled up on my side and slept until the sun began to rise.

Hachiuma and Zoki were still asleep when I left the next morning. There was nothing I had to worry about, Zoki had a knife and I had trained him well, he could use it to defend both of them. I slung the satchel across one of my shoulders and started out with a small jog down the river bank. Nobody bothered or questioned me when I went this way, and it was much easier on my feet because of the grass. Crossing the borders of the lower districts was easy; it wasn't until I started to get to the richer parts that I had trouble dodging stationed Soul Reapers. District 54 was my place of choice.

I knew my way around this place rather well, whenever we were in desperate need, this was where I would come to steal. Getting caught here would get me in big-time trouble, not only would it be stealing, but sneaking into a district much higher than mine own. Taking back ways and alleys, I used cast away items, like boxes and trashcans, to help myself get in through windows.

The first house I went to had no children's clothes, but I took a few outfits for myself, same with the second. In the third house, I found some clothes that would fit Zoki and Hachiuma fairly decent. I also stole a rather good condition futon. My bag was now full and heavy of everything but food, which was always my last stop.

When I jumped back out the window and headed back through the alley I had previously come from, I didn't expect to find a patrolling Shinigami. My eyes widened, and I instinctively reached for the small blade by my hip.

"I saw you," He didn't reach for his blade. "Break into those houses, I mean."

I shook my head. "I've got no idea what you're talking about."

"What's in the bag?"

"Stuff." I shrugged.

"It's fairly obvious you're not from this district. Especially if you're carrying a pretty heavy looking bag." The man before me pointed out.

"Guess you caught me." I flipped out my knife. "I refuse to go down without a fight though."

"Don't worry, I won't rat you out."

How calm he was made me suspicious. "And just why not?"

"I've been where you were before, stealing to get by."

I laughed. "Yeah, people just don't seem to appreciate that I'm broke."

"Become a Soul Reaper. It was the smartest thing I ever did." The man turned around and started walking away from me, leaving me thoroughly confused.

I swiped some good food and sweets from different stands, and by the time I got back, the sun was already setting. My whole trip back was filled with thoughts on what would happen if I became a Soul Reaper. It was a tempting thought, but I really didn't want to leave the two people I had, especially since they were so young, I had to protect them.

When I entered the house, I found Zoki and Hachiuma sitting together sharing an apple. "Quite a run today, I got some good stuff."

"What'd you get?" Zoki asked happily.

I started to take out the contents of my backpack, taking care to store the food I had stolen. Once the contents of the backpack were dumped on the floor, I started handing Zoki things I had taken for him, likewise with Hachiuma. I stored the new futon on top of the old beat up one, along with a thin blanket. The few outfits I had taken for myself were put away next to the beds. The kids were still sitting on the floor, clearly happy about everything they had gotten. Without disturbing them, I slipped out the door and sat by the river to watch the sun go down. I heard the door open, and Zoki came over to join me.

"Noa? Can I ask you something?" The young boy looked a little bothered.

"Sure."

"Does-" Zoki hesitated. "Does stealin' all this stuff from other people ever bother you?"

Sighing, I looked out at the river. "Honestly? Sometimes. But the way I see it, they have the money to replace the things they've lost, while we don't have the money to get them in general. I go to the higher districts when I go out for runs, because I know they won't miss a few things here or there. It's risky, and today I nearly got caught. But it's worth it, I know the things I took made you and your brother happy."

The kid beside me looked up at me. "It really does mean a lot to us. Without you teaching us how to fight n' steal, we probably would've been dead by now."

I slung my arm across his shoulders. "Kid, it makes me happy knowing I can help at least someone. You guys are all I've got, you're the whole reason I haven't gone off to become a Soul Reaper."

"Why would you wanna 'come a Soul Reaper?" Zoki looked away. "You taught us they're nothing but trouble and they can't be trusted."

"To go somewhere safe, so you don't have to always be scared." I sighed and looked down. "You shouldn't have to protect your brother, you should have a safe life. Shit, Zoki, I would kill to have a life where people looked up to me, where I could have a house, and food every night. So I could have a roof to put over your heads."

"Well why dontcha?"

"I'd be away, for long periods of time. Do you know how terrible that'd make me feel? Leaving you two alone in a dangerous place like this?"

Zoki interrupted. "Don't worry! I can protect Hachiuma!"

"You shouldn't have to bear that burden, you're so young. Even going through the academy would take years and years, much less getting to a position that would let me make money or even give me a place to live. I don't know what I'd do if something happened to you guys while I was gone."

"But you already know howta fight! You taught me really good. I bet you could get through the academy stuff real fast!" Zoki gave me a toothy grin.

"I don't know, it's a really big decision. I'd definitely need time to sit down and think about it. There'd be no point in doing something I'll just regret."

Six months later, I began my classes at the Academy. My kidos were still terrible, and I knew they'd never get much better. Swordsmanship, on the other hand, came naturally to me. Once I got my own Zanpakuto, I trained day after day, skipping over meditating. All my training paid off, because I learned the name of my sword before anyone else, and I had gained the trust to release it.

Katachi no nai Mizu, formless water. When I released my Shikai, my normal Zanpakuto would thin out a great deal and turn a deep turquoise. The sword could use water around it to appear formless, and bend or extend in any way I could think of. Even if there was no water, the sword could pull water from anybody it wounded. The thin blade made the sword easier and much faster to swing, which could give me quite the advantage in battle.

During my time at the academy, I mainly stuck to myself. It was too awkward to try and talk to people because they already had friends, and it didn't seem like they wanted anymore. I didn't mind though, I was used to being alone. I finished schooling before most of my class, and right before my graduation was when I met my adoptive family, Ken'ichi Arai, and his wife Kahori Arai.

When I met them, they seemed normal enough, though I never understood why they wanted me. I was told it was because they had heard about my past, but I knew that wasn't possible. There wasn't a single soul I told about what life had been like in the slums. Being around people who were all from the highest districts made me feel like if they knew the truth, they'd treat me like the trash I was.

Currently, I was sitting at a table across from the Arai's. "Why me?"

"We know about where you live, so deep in the slums. That's got to be terrible." Ken'ichi stated.

"Exactly." I looked down at my fingers. "You live in the third district. I know your kind. To you all I am is scum, a thief, worthless. Trust me, I've heard it all before."

Kahori sighed. "We thought we could help, give you a better life. A nicer place to live, a better life."

I scoffed. "All my life I've lived in the lower districts. No one's given a shit before, so why all of a sudden? I'm about to graduate and head off to the Seireitei, there's no reason for me to suddenly be adopted."

"Everyone could use a little help, dear." Kahori looked at me gently.

"If I…" Biting my lip, I hesitated. "If I agree to this, will you be able to give me some blankets and food on a regular basis?"

"Well, of course. May I ask why?" The man before me was perplexed.

"Back in my district, I've got two kids I take care of. I'm trying to get myself a better life. I want to be able to take them away from there." I ran my fingers through my hair.

"We could help you with this." Ken'ichi pointed out.

Every fiber of my being was telling me not to trust them. "Then tell me why. The truth."

The Arais looked at each other then back at me, then Kahori spoke. "Another family high in the ranks like ours, the Satohs, wish for us to have an arranged marriage between their son Itsuki, and a daughter from either of us. We thought you would be the best candidate because it could give you a better life, you would have a place to live. And Itsuki is a wonderful man, really. You and him would make a perfect couple, I can just see it now."

Marriage was something I _never _considered. It wasn't in my nature to rely on anyone, or especially trust them enough to spend my whole life with them. Spending my whole life pretty much alone, it was like being stuck in the darkness. Although it wasn't obvious, the pain of being alone slowly ate away at me every day, pulling me deeper and deeper in. "I'll be able to help them?"

Ken'ichi nodded at me, and I ran my fingers through my hair. "Give me the papers."

Not too long after I had signed the adoption papers, I met Itsuki Satoh for the first time. My soon-to-be husband was the captain of the 11th division and seemed nice enough. By the way he talked, I could tell he would have a temper. Situations weren't ideal, but I could put up with this guy if it meant Zoki and Hachiuma would be able to get the things they needed, even if I could only bring them things in bulk and had to stay closer to the Soul Society.

Itsuki and I were married in a small private ceremony with only our families, and a few of their close friends or relatives. Since we didn't know each other at all, there was no need for any sort of honeymoon, or even a reception. Once we were bound in holy matrimony, we shared a rather awkward kiss, and then Itsuki just left and went back to his office.

I finished my time at the Academy then went on to start my time in the 3rd division. With my swordsmanship skills, it was easy enough for me to rise through the ranks and quickly become a seated officer. Although I kind of pushed away the Arais after the wedding, they kept to their promise and I was able to bring Hachiuma and Zoki anything they needed or wanted, I made sure they were well protected and would always be comfortable and fed. It wasn't the same for me, work always tired me out, and life at home was quickly turning bad.

Months after we were married, Itsuki finally showed his true colors. One day after he had come home, he was in a worse mood than usual. Some days he would yell at me about, but I just ignored it, our relationship had never really gotten past strangers. I had spent the day with one of the couple friends I had, and after the day was over he avoided me like the plague. When we were alone, I found myself pinned to the wall with a very angry Itsuki leaning over me, a death grip hold my wrist above my head.

"What the _fuck _do you think you were doing?" I winced as his grip tightened.

"Talking with the one friend I have, I practically live in isolation."

Itsuki's other hand slid around my throat and held it against the wall, making it difficult to breathe. "Am I not enough for you?"

His yelling made me wince and attempt to wiggle away, but his grip was like stone. "We may be married, but I don't know who you are. I know you no better than the first day we met. I don't even know why I'm still here."

There was barely a chance to finish the words coming out of my mouth. The back of Itsuki's hand collided with the side of my neck causing me to hit the floor with a small gasp of pain. "Alright, you listen to me, and you listen good. I won't put up with any kind of bitch talking to me like that. You're still here because I have to pretend like I give a damn about being married so my parents won't keep marrying me off to different broads."

I kept a groan of pain inside as Itsuki ran his fingers through his hair and turned around on his heels to leave. In the back of my mind, I knew this was a bad idea, but I would do anything to help my two boys back at home.

Itsuki started bringing home girls almost every other night, which caused me to start sleeping on a futon. Spending time with the few people I knew was getting difficult because my captain gave me more work than anyone else in the division. Eventually, I started drinking by myself and staying in a small inn somewhere in the third district. Any place was better than listening to Itsuki with all his whores all night.

Over time I drank myself into nothingness, it was like constantly living in some sort of darkness, the weight on my shoulders was horrible. I pushed away anyone who tried to get close to me, even Zoki and Hachiuma, choosing alcohol and constant training over anything. The darkness was tearing me apart to the point where one night, I couldn't take it anymore. I drank cup after cup of alcohol, then sat alone with my Zanpakuto and contemplated suicide.

That night was the lowest point of my life, and when I finally talked myself out of it, I took a vow to never let myself sink back into the darkness. Becoming nothing but a burden was worse than being dead. For years I pushed away alcohol, and threw myself into nonstop training. Although it couldn't last long and was pretty shaky, I managed to release my Bankai. Avoiding Itsuki was easier with each passing day. The captain didn't care what I did as long as he didn't catch me talking to any guys. Hell, I rarely talked to anyone anymore. I couldn't bring myself to face the only two people I considered family, but I made sure to keep them well fed and clothed. Years after that just ran together, leading up to where I was now, sitting in the captain of the 13th division's house.

My hair was all pushed over my left shoulder while I absentmindedly played with it. "Sorry if that was a bit much, I wasn't really thinking."

"Noa..." The white haired man trailed off.

A look of pity was obvious when I glanced at him, just like everyone else had when they looked at me. "Don't bother, really. I don't need pity. That's all I've ever gotten."

"I'm sorry, I just don't know what to say."

Keeping everything I felt inside was too difficult. "Say what everyone else does, it wouldn't be the first time. Why didn't you kill yourself when you had the chance? Letting someone else control you is weak. You should've kept drinking, maybe you'd still be back in the slums and we wouldn't have to watch you wither away alone."

"I would never say such things to you, Miss Hamasaki. Now I know what you've been through is terrible, but no one should ever say such things." Jushiro's face changed instantly, eyes going fierce.

"That's surprising. All my life I've just been that person who's looked down on, treated like trash, avoided. I watch everyone else laugh and have fun with friends, or spend their life with someone they love. What do I get? A bottle of sake and a husband that'll beat me because he's pissed at stupid little shit." Looking down at the cup below me, I placed my head in my hands. "Living like this, it's not actually living, it's just existing. Everything is just pulling me back down further and further, like the world is telling me I'm not needed. Let me tell you something, Jushiro. Almost every night I go to sleep and hope I don't wake up, no one would notice or even give a damn. Knowing that, I really find no reason to be alive, it just hurts."

Silent tears slid down my cheeks and dripped into the cup below me. "You're wrong in some parts. I may not know what it's like to depend on alcohol or be treated like that, but I do know how it feels to have everyone pity you, and to have those days where you just want to never wake up. When people know about my disease, they pity me. Their faces may not show it, but in their eyes it's painfully obvious. Most people doubt I'm even worthy enough to be a captain. Some nights the coughing and pain can get so bad to the point where I feel like I'd be better off dead. Occasionally I can't even get out of bed in the mornings and I have to depend on assistants to help me even sit up or eat. Sure, it makes me feel weak, but when I fight through it, I feel like I'm getting stronger and pushing this disease off. I don't know how long I have left, but I intend to spend every day I have fighting."

Jushiro's words hit me harder than anyone else's ever had. _Death_. For the first time in my life, I was staring at the one person who deserved to live forever, and he was fighting for his life each day. We had only known each other for a small time, yet I poured my life's story out in front of him. Sure, he pitied me, but he didn't think any less of me. The white haired man was simply a kind soul who deserved to spread his happiness with others.

Finally, I offered him a shaky smile and helped him clean up the tiny room before retiring to my own. And for the first time in a long time, I had good dreams.


End file.
